Just thinking, well, let’s be honest, fantasizing, about the Chicago Bears’ season opener Sunday against the possibly-hapless Indianapolis Colts, conjures up images of Will Smith sassing the alien he has just yanked out of a spaceship and punched to death in the desert in “Independence Day”. But in my Bear-centric fantasy, Julius Peppers is Will Smith, and that doomed alien is now embodied by Colts rookie quarterback Andrew Luck, sacked, broken and possibly dismembered.
Call me a homer, but I see no other outcome for Andrew Luck’s NFL debut than being relentlessly pummeled into the turf by Julius Peppers, Israel Idonije and company as they blow through, around and over the Colts’ welcoming sieve of an offensive line. No fancy technique necessary. No swim moves, no rips, just straight dominance.
We all know the preseason is rarely an accurate indicator of where a team stands, but I watched the Colts’ starting offensive line for a full half in their preseason tilt against the Redskins, and there’s just no polishing that turd. And certainly not in a three weak span.
The Colts are better off running Donald Brown 25 times for 37 yards and get on the damn bus, and just be thankful they’re all being paid lucratively for their services. When you have a massive investment in a player like Luck, and you surround him with a CFL-level offensive line, you ought to do anything possible to keep his jersey clean and his bones connected properly. And running Donald Brown, ever, is absolutely a bargain basement alternative to actually trying to win.
Andrew Luck and the Colts have a bright future ahead of them, provided the offensive line doesn’t get him killed or irreversibly concussed before such a future can manifest itself. But their present will reveal itself as a giant, splotchy bruise swallowing up their hopes and dreams for the 2012 season. And that bruise is a merciless assault of Chicago Beardom. 60 minutes of angry, hellacious wrath, bursting from the open wound of the 2011 NFC title game and the subsequent injury-fueled collapse of the Bears’ 2011 regular season. The Bears are hungry, nay, starving for redemption. And it’s time to feed.
Offensive line is far from the Colts’ only concern heading into Week 1’s inevitable beatdown at the unfeeling hands of the burgeoning Bears juggernaut. Trading for cornerback Vontae Davis during preseason was Indy’s open admission of “PS, our defense sucks, too.” Yes, yes it does.
Matt Forte exploded onto the NFL scene in Week 1 against the Colts in 2008 with 123 yards rushing, including an electrifying 50-yard touchdown scamper. I expect Forte to rack up 130 all-purpose yards on Sunday, with new backfield companion Michael Bush scoring a short touchdown to pair with 42 yards rushing and 13 yards receiving.
Jay Cutler will connect with Brandon Marshall for the first of many touchdowns in their triumphant reunion tour, and add a play action touchdown toss to vastly underutilized tight end Kellen Davis.
Along with two Robbie Gould field goals, the Bears will add a defensive or special teams touchdown, because that’s just Bears football. Count on it.
Bears Bears BEARS in a blowout leading into next week’s September Super Bowl with the soulless Green Bay Packers.
Prediction: CHICAGO BEARS - 34, Indianapolis Donald Browns - 10.
BEAR DOWN, y’all.